on holes.

It's not like i have never had my heart broken before. Believe me. I have. Ohhhh..... my first love. I will always remember at one point in our on-again / off-again relationship, how in love we were with eachother. Like the feelings that flowed through my blood and fulfilled my entire being. And it's all flowers and rainbows and beauty and my heart raced and I knew his was too... And then we just became complacent and routine. Where'd the spark go? And then finally, we broke it off for the last time. And what replaced him was a hole. A hole! Man, the hole. That hole that was left in my life only confirmed in my naive 22-year-old mind that we were meant to be. I mean, if it wasn't meant to be, why would I feel so incomplete? But the older I got and the more wise I became, I realized that hole would eventually close, or be filled with other things if you will. But that hole was filled only to be reopened (but this time I'm a couple of years older and 3000 miles away) by someone else who would fulfill that part of my life, for the time being. Until now. And now that it's over I'm left with another gaping hole again. Though I know, and knew from the beginning, he wasn't the one for me, the hole is here nonetheless and jesus christ it hurts. My buddy, my companion and my friend. It's too bad we can't carry on because I am sure going to miss my friend. And what a good friend he was. Yet I know this is the right thing to do. But jesus christ it fucking hurts.